PLEASE READ THESE TERMS: Monday, May 21, 2007Y
4:09 AM
i have a self-conscience, n i know, he does tell tall tales! and a great bunch at that fact! but even thou he may be over-exagerating or whateva, there are just some things that are unexplainable,that i've seen with my own naked eyes.dont you know im sick of it?-dreadfully i am! long before u discovered may at that as well.Wracking my brains night and day for an appropreate conclusion that wun involve you in any of this mess? i tried, i tried so hard, believe me i will never lie about these things n u should know that. i've been trying to differ fact from fiction,fiction from fact until i just explode and end up crying.just ask sheren.anywhere anytime, i will just start.hav'nt u wondered y my exam results dun satify me? m dissapointed in myself for having my mind stubbornly refusing to absorb whats in the textbook and having to slap myself as it lingers on other disturbing thoughts.i've been trying so hard.TOO hard.trying to push away reality.always.its on my mind.too let u know.if i didnt care about u, or have any feelings at all,n just be a heartless bitch, y do u think i even let these painfull tears crawl on my pillow at night? if i didnt give a heck,wait.WHO do u even think stayed with u for hours n hours trying to console u on ur problems? all those times, at the busstop.i could have just left u crying.did u ever think y i would do that? same as u of course.just trying to be a perfect friend.somehow i see it as u do not heed my hours of advice smts.only those more experienced say a word or two n u heed theirs.its obvissous,u smts say so urself.this is one of the matters i do not understand as well. even thou i was terribly bothered by it,i was still by urside. so ask me y.
Well,if they are enough for u.[no offense S & S, u two are great ppl!] go ahead be happy again.i know u saw me, in the bus, letting them cascade down my cheeks.i wonder how u felt bout that.i dunnoe.well, anyway, i really really thought u would last, i reallyreally liked u,val , i loved u as a friend.I'LL let u know this though.,
half of me wants to embrace u and say sorry.
another half wants to glare at u and stalk off.
i've been controlling my sides to even out.
ur reasons for going with them are all explainable, i understand totally.but other matters, are .....just unexplainable and i do not want to mention them. i do not want to stir up more than there already is. im just confused.the only thing is to prove it.n know this as well, we are not gullible ppl, u think we would fall for the crap most of the time he gives? NO. we'll not.n i know u know that.were smart people. if we make any decisions it is with a hell lot of great care and thought, considering every possiblity.n seeing proof of every angle ourselves. so i shall mention again, i do not want to explain more then whatever there is uncovered already. im not sure u heard everything that bloody traitor said.so now, i let u wonder, y would we do any of this? figure out urself. but be wise val, think of everything,take a night off to wonder what were affected by, and how we feel. n U more than anyone else shuld know we hate too lose friends.anyway, all that time, do u think we would throw it away for nothing?
but we'll always love u as a friend,even if u walked out.
what u heard was wrong, i do not hate u.
just dissapointed.in him.n u.
some things are ridiculous but we heck it.
but all the small things add up,too bigger ones.
n im sick of everything, i just wish i could forget this knowlegde of this matter in my head, but i've pushed it away,just too long.
we'll always be there for u,for ur info,feel free to come to us for advice, we ask for nothing in return, just wishfull thinking. please val,think about it, i beg of u.i know nobody is perfect and this is all too fast but u have to go thru these problems one day no doubt. it will give experience u know that. so i guess...its now.for our bad year,bad month, . the f*cking rooster.it pains be dearly to lose the closest sec school friend too me as well...[sheren's a p'sch friend!] ....i weep for my loss dearly.untill there r no more tears.u noe me , i'll always reassure myself that "its not worth crying over mel,its just not worth it" but im dead wrong.it does not help me.anyways,whats there to gain from a loss? emptyness? no thats not it...
so night.
[P.S. ur D&G one? is'nt that the black and gold one that faroza also has? if it is then yah,u did wear it to school b4 n told quite a lot of ppl i rmb vividly.but that matter does not bother me ,unlike him.] (i think)
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